I’m here.
I’m not dead.
I’m just not really having anything interesting to say seeings how I’m at home with achy back and legs and head.
The only action around is crazy cats and a dingbat dog.

I have one story (Well no, two but the Walgreen’s one has to wait).

I was out of the house by 8 am today.
I stopped and got a huge Jamba Juice.
I went to the car wash and apparently if you’re there at the butt crack of dawn you get $3 off. Yay

THEN I went to the commissary.
....
You can either go in the morning and get run over by old people or you can go in the afternoon and get run over by military wives and their 42 bratty children.

I chose the morning today.
It took forever just to get IN the commissary because there was a clog at the entrance which turned out to be 2 old people w a l k i n g v e r y s l o w l y.
I zoomed around them as soon as I could and grabbed everything I needed off of the shelves as fast as I could carefully avoiding canes and those little wheely things they ride everywhere (that have no horns, or brake lights, or turn signals and hurt really bad when they run you over and then they pretend they can’t see or hear anything).

SO then I get in line. I decided to use the U-Scan self checkout system at the commissary. I never use it here. It’s really not a convenience at the commissary where they like to micromanage everything.
Well the lady running the U-scans this morning was old. Not old like.. 40’s 50’s 60’s but like Formaldehyde old.
I went over to show her my I.D. to save her the hobble and started checking out my groceries.
She comes over about 3 minutes later and asks to see my I.D.
I tell her.. “Um.. I just showed it to you but here it is (again)”.
Right then I get to the last 2 items in my cart. Celery and Broccoli crowns.
I tapped the “Key in Code” button so that I could key in 4070 for Celery. (I still remember most of them from working at grocery stores). As soon as I type it in there she is just nosing her crap in my business telling me that I can’t use that button. She tells me I have to use the button where you scroll through pictures of vegetables until you find what you need. I’m ignoring her and typing in 4070 and quantity “1” and WHAT DO YOU KNOW. IT WORKS!!!  She’s all “oh.. (decrepit voice) I didn’t even know about that button”. I avoided saying “No shit? They didn’t even have grocery stores when you were born but OK”.
Then I use the little picture thing to ring up my broccoli and I’m done.

Wait, no I’m not done. I have two chicken coupons to ring in.
I scan them and it tells me “Item not found go find some idiot to type it in” and so I call out to her and she hollers that she’ll be right there (because she’s busy “helping” some girl ring in a bunch of those Star Bucks drinks - in other words making sure someone isn’t stealing anything).
SO - I’m sitting there waiting for her and behind me in line is a wrinkled up black man who apparently works there and HE butts in and tries to tell me all I have to do is scan the coupons. I tell him that I DID and they didn’t read and so he takes the coupons from me and starts to scan them. I say again “I HAVE ALREADY DONE THAT AND IT DOESN’T WORK BUT IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER GO FOR IT” (yes, I said it just like that). Of course it doesn’t work so he backs up and says “She (old lady) will be right over to help you”.. at which point I say

“I REALLY DO KNOW HOW TO USE THESE THINGS AND I APPRECIATE YOU TRYING TO BUTT YOUR WAY INTO EVERYTHING BUT PLEASE BACK OFF SO I CAN TAKE MY FUCKING GROCERIES AND GO HOME”.  (I was having a moment.. leave me alone k?)

He then stutters out that he wasn’t trying to say I didn’t know how blah blah… old lady keys in coupons.. I snatch bags and leave vowing to never use those lanes at the commissary ever again since I prefer to be treated like an adult and not watched like I’m a terrorist using the U-Scans at the commissary to buy groceries what the HELL......

I tried to zip out of the parking lot and get the hell off of base asap.
There was a “Commanders Call” that was finishing right when I left the commissary.
They hold them at the theater because it has enough room for everyone who has to be there.
The theater is basically in the same parking lot.
I was stuck in the parking lot waiting for hot headed airmen and old people to figure out how to get out.

It was a miserable experience.
I forgot to get the milk which is the only thing I went for.
My car however is very clean.

If you read through this entire manic post and understood me then you need to be checked for head problems.

*kiss kiss*